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Rely on Jesus

As a Christian, have you ever just wanted to give up and find yourself asking God to let you go home?

I decided to take today off from work to spend in God's Word. I asked Him to place on my heart a word for me to study to help me through this phase or season of life. "Perseverance' started to resonate through me.

I started researching the definition of perseverance, endurance, and steadfastness. I have been explaining to God that I don't think I can go on that this time; I guess I need to give entirely up as I see no hope in the world or fruits of my labor for Him. I know He's asking me not to give up. To stand firm through not only the good but the bad. The world will get worse as the Bible predicts this. Now is my time to build strength and trust in Him. Let the world see that I will, and I trust God to get me through every day He gives me here on Earth.

The truth is, He does. When a depressive episode hits, I struggle to get out of bed and function. I have been going through a spell now longer than ever, and medication doesn't appear to be helping. But, the enemy knows our weaknesses, and for me, it is my illness.

I've been slowly giving up and not trying to achieve anything due to the difficulties depression creates. I've been asking God what's wrong with me that I can't get past this condition? I could remember Paul and his 'affliction,' but that didn't help as I'm not Paul, I'm me.

Someone asked me if I was allowing my depression to dictate my thoughts. I think I answered 'probably' but have been thinking about the question and the answer is 'yes. I've allowed the enemy to use my illness against me instead of relying on God and His strength. I've focused on fixing my problem of depression instead of trusting God to provide what I need despite my condition.

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